Friday, April 27, 2007

It's raining today

It's raining today. Oh so much. But I suppose I don't mind because I've rarely seen this kind of glowing green. I purchased a pair of shoes online yesterday of a similar color. The color is called "Tendril." I hope they live up to expectations.

Yesterday was my first genuinely good day at job 2. It's the day I turned in my three weeks notice as well. And it was the day that for the first time ever, my new haircut was called "chic". I don't even know for sure how to spell that word. It was also the day that I realized that my dream job cannot consist of devising busy work for others.

Today I realized: I love public libraries. I am lucky to work at Newton and with all my fellow "librarians". My work must include being "helpful" to others.

I checked out a book on Italian literature, another on Jose Saramago, and a third - 100 Years of Solitude. It's time I read something powerful again.

We're officially leaving Boston on June 19th at noon. The tickets are purchased, the plans are laid, the jobs have been informed, our lives are waiting. Now we must fill our minds, ears, mouths, and eyes with New England before we depart.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Semi-random jottings on a day in which the sun emerged.

I finished a book a few days ago called _White Noise_ and I continue to be mystified and enraptured by it. Since March I have been racing through novels as though my life depended upon them for meaning, entertainment, sanity and stimulation. But this week I am taking a break. I want this book to sink in. I am forcing myself to face the hours without the distraction of trying to slaughter self-imposed reading records and goals. It's actually quite difficult. Today I left home without a book on my person. On the subway and at Starbucks I felt defenseless against the people around me because I had no book in which to baracade myself. The ability to build up social walls around oneself is very important in a city, on trains, and on buses. I think it's what makes people tired and conversely, what makes people relax in the country.
In my unoccupied time, I have been thinking about a lot about friendship. There are friends who I no longer talk to. There are some friends who I no longer wish to talk to. (: And there are many friends I really really miss.
Speaking of which- I really appreciate Julie's latest blog.
I have also been considering my need to supplement my future in academia with a future in athletica. At work I had glorious images of Sarah the yoga instructer.

The sun came out today and gave my engine a jump.

I had coffee with a library student and book extraordinaire today. We made plans to have a night on the town next weekend.

Zach will be home shortly. We'll make some dinner. Talk about our days. Approach the night. He'll look forward to the comfort of sleep. I'll grow increasingly anxious about the loss of another poorly utilized day. He'll go to bed at midnight. I'll slip out of the room and sit on the couch until 2:00, planning and jotting and choosing ways to make my life meaningful. I'll finally write my turmoil down and in doing so, feel it melt away into sleepiness. Then I'll go back to bed and wake up tired again tomorrow.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

The Homecoming

Another cold, quite blustery, April day.

Zach and I celebrated by breaking our vegetarian meat-fast with delicious pork chops cooked with sweet potatoes, pineapples, and apples. It is obvious that our Veg- zealosity is easily swayed by any holiday that is traditionally associated with carnivorous festivities. In truth though, we rarely eat meat and we never do so at restaurants. Cage free and hormone free will benefit us if not the animals.

In other news- we have made a decision that amazingly enough hasn't really changed in the past two weeks. I am going to accept admission to PSU but defer it for a semester or maybe a year. In the meantime, before our lease expires on June 30, we will pack up our lives and move them to Denver where we will reside for an unknown time period in my parents newly furnished basement apartment. I feel a mixture of worry and happiness about this decision but a good amount of certainty. We've survived in this outrageously expensive place very admirably and I've adapted to New England life tolerably well. I certainly have friends and coworkers who I truly don't want to leave behind, (it is very hard to imagine starting over again in the people department). If you have people- why lose or leave them? But the same can be said for family. If you have family, don't lose them to strangerdom. I am very excited to reenter the daily lives of my sisters, parents, and my sweet Westley (dog). I'm relieved that I will be living just a city and 30 minutes away from my CU bound sis. I grew up very quickly the first time and am hopeful about rebonding with and contributing to my family.

I definitely worry about Zach though. I worry about being fair to him and to his family. And I definitely worry about losing our utterly blissful, self-centered life up here. It has been a struggle, but our isolation and independence from everyone we have strong ties to has made us everything to one another. Every dirty dish in our apartment, every piece of laundry, and every single picture on the wall attests to a life completely chosen by the two of us.

I really hope that Zach's brother will move to Denver as well. I know that Zach would love the family presence and the chance to just hang out with him.

Our plans basically consist of:
1. Saving money for the eventual move
2. Paying off some student loans
3. Attending a course each semester (me- Spanish at CU, Zach either Spanish or into courses to Urban Planning)
4. Trying to maintain a deliberate, independent lifestyle
5. Breathing in the love

Easter blessings to all.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Someone tell me, Portland or Denver? School or respite? After a very stressful, even teary day with public transit and unfriendly Brookliners I feel like going home to my parents and curling up under a roof that is paid for.