It's raining today

It's raining today. Oh so much. But I suppose I don't mind because I've rarely seen this kind of glowing green. I purchased a pair of shoes online yesterday of a similar color. The color is called "Tendril." I hope they live up to expectations.

Yesterday was my first genuinely good day at job 2. It's the day I turned in my three weeks notice as well. And it was the day that for the first time ever, my new haircut was called "chic". I don't even know for sure how to spell that word. It was also the day that I realized that my dream job cannot consist of devising busy work for others.

Today I realized: I love public libraries. I am lucky to work at Newton and with all my fellow "librarians". My work must include being "helpful" to others.

I checked out a book on Italian literature, another on Jose Saramago, and a third - 100 Years of Solitude. It's time I read something powerful again.

We're officially leaving Boston on June 19th at noon. The tickets are purchased, the plans are laid, the jobs have been informed, our lives are waiting. Now we must fill our minds, ears, mouths, and eyes with New England before we depart.

Semi-random jottings on a day in which the sun emerged.

I finished a book a few days ago called _White Noise_ and I continue to be mystified and enraptured by it. Since March I have been racing through novels as though my life depended upon them for meaning, entertainment, sanity and stimulation. But this week I am taking a break. I want this book to sink in. I am forcing myself to face the hours without the distraction of trying to slaughter self-imposed reading records and goals. It's actually quite difficult. Today I left home without a book on my person. On the subway and at Starbucks I felt defenseless against the people around me because I had no book in which to baracade myself. The ability to build up social walls around oneself is very important in a city, on trains, and on buses. I think it's what makes people tired and conversely, what makes people relax in the country.
In my unoccupied time, I have been thinking about a lot about friendship. There are friends who I no longer talk to. There are some friends who I no longer wish to talk to. (: And there are many friends I really really miss.
Speaking of which- I really appreciate Julie's latest blog.
I have also been considering my need to supplement my future in academia with a future in athletica. At work I had glorious images of Sarah the yoga instructer.

The sun came out today and gave my engine a jump.

I had coffee with a library student and book extraordinaire today. We made plans to have a night on the town next weekend.

Zach will be home shortly. We'll make some dinner. Talk about our days. Approach the night. He'll look forward to the comfort of sleep. I'll grow increasingly anxious about the loss of another poorly utilized day. He'll go to bed at midnight. I'll slip out of the room and sit on the couch until 2:00, planning and jotting and choosing ways to make my life meaningful. I'll finally write my turmoil down and in doing so, feel it melt away into sleepiness. Then I'll go back to bed and wake up tired again tomorrow.

The Homecoming

Another cold, quite blustery, April day.

Zach and I celebrated by breaking our vegetarian meat-fast with delicious pork chops cooked with sweet potatoes, pineapples, and apples. It is obvious that our Veg- zealosity is easily swayed by any holiday that is traditionally associated with carnivorous festivities. In truth though, we rarely eat meat and we never do so at restaurants. Cage free and hormone free will benefit us if not the animals.

In other news- we have made a decision that amazingly enough hasn't really changed in the past two weeks. I am going to accept admission to PSU but defer it for a semester or maybe a year. In the meantime, before our lease expires on June 30, we will pack up our lives and move them to Denver where we will reside for an unknown time period in my parents newly furnished basement apartment. I feel a mixture of worry and happiness about this decision but a good amount of certainty. We've survived in this outrageously expensive place very admirably and I've adapted to New England life tolerably well. I certainly have friends and coworkers who I truly don't want to leave behind, (it is very hard to imagine starting over again in the people department). If you have people- why lose or leave them? But the same can be said for family. If you have family, don't lose them to strangerdom. I am very excited to reenter the daily lives of my sisters, parents, and my sweet Westley (dog). I'm relieved that I will be living just a city and 30 minutes away from my CU bound sis. I grew up very quickly the first time and am hopeful about rebonding with and contributing to my family.

I definitely worry about Zach though. I worry about being fair to him and to his family. And I definitely worry about losing our utterly blissful, self-centered life up here. It has been a struggle, but our isolation and independence from everyone we have strong ties to has made us everything to one another. Every dirty dish in our apartment, every piece of laundry, and every single picture on the wall attests to a life completely chosen by the two of us.

I really hope that Zach's brother will move to Denver as well. I know that Zach would love the family presence and the chance to just hang out with him.

Our plans basically consist of:
1. Saving money for the eventual move
2. Paying off some student loans
3. Attending a course each semester (me- Spanish at CU, Zach either Spanish or into courses to Urban Planning)
4. Trying to maintain a deliberate, independent lifestyle
5. Breathing in the love

Easter blessings to all.

Someone tell me, Portland or Denver? School or respite? After a very stressful, even teary day with public transit and unfriendly Brookliners I feel like going home to my parents and curling up under a roof that is paid for.

My weekend off

Last week, a woman with whom I work at Newton lost her husband very suddenly. It continues to sadden and sober me. If I were to lose Zach, my entire present life would be lost. It's a horrible thought. On a different level, even thousands of miles away and with my childhood past, I can't imagine the devastation and emptiness of losing my father as this woman's two daughters have.

I am glad that everyone at work loves her so much, including many of the patrons, and that her daughters still live at home with her. I hope these things are comforting.

Last night Zach and I attended our first Italian Opera performed by the Boston Lyric Opera Company at the Shubert theatre in the Boylston theatre district. This event was the second of three installments of my Valentine's day gift to Zach. The opera was Verdi's Un Ballo in Maschera and to our great surprise and delight, I really really enjoyed it. The English scrolled across screens beside the stage was very necessary and helpful. I am happy that as operas go, this one was simple and fairly lighthearted. I'm perfectly content with baby steps when it comes to classical music and opera.

I just finished Jhumpa Lahiri's _The Namesake_. It's excellent. I recommend it to all who loved the flawless quality of her storytelling in her short stories.

I also finsihed _Bel Canto_. Damn her prose is smooth! Reading her is like swimming elementary backstroke in a lightly rocking lake.

And finally, I have been trying to read another of Jose Saramago's novels with less luck. Judging from the simple but stunning prose found in _Blindness_, I am thinking of blaming _the Cave's_ less clear prose on it's translator. I guess I'll just have to learn Portuguese! (In my spare time of course.)

I rejoice that today and tomorrow I don't have to do a thing for the first day in 12 days!

At the close of March

there are a few simple things on my mind.
1. Folk music is wonderful in the spring time. It is wonderful in the stacks of the Baker Old Class as well.
2. Audiobooks are a complex experience. I can't listen to serious works like _Mrs. Dalloway_ but I can listen to children's and young adult books. Audio will never beat good old paper and binding.
3. I was accepted to PSU and am pretty cas about it. Perhaps this is because I haven't heard about financial aid yet and it's hard to let go of Eugene and all of the wonderful library studies advice everyone has been giving me lately. On the other hand, I would love to be back in school studying my favorite things- books, and to be on the academic schedule take academic vacations!
4. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be an academic librarian. If I have to do research in English lit., I want it to be my own.
5. After living in frozen New England, my dream European countries are Portugal and Italy. I am definitely one for sunshine and warmth. Also, I think my extraordinarily long limbs are responsible for my not embracing sweater, scarf, and coat weather. Lots of clothes simply cannot contain my unwieldy limbs.
6. Horned melons are mosiac window panes packed into a skin.
7. Barbara Kingsolver, Anne Patchett, Philip Pullman, and Josh Ritter are helping me make it through.

A message from my little cubicle

Today is my second day back to work after our wonderful trip. During our long hours of travel on Monday Z and I were increasingly melancholy with anticipation of returning to the grind of an ill-suited program and a tiring work schedule. Today, my first day back at Harvard, I have been surprisingly upbeat. It could be my trusty IPOD, it could be the sunshine, or it could be the result of a week off. Whatever the case, I am facing the next 2-5 months with courage and somewhat resigned nonchalance. Soon this part of my life will be over. Am I getting the most out of it that I can?
By the way, as if I hadn't enough to do already, I almost let another librarian yesterday talk me into volunteering for the Readers' Advisory program at Newton. I think it would be fun and thought provoking, as well as a good experience for a future librarian of America.