Today was quite a pleasant day. I was groggy because I haven't been sleeping well, and I tried to fix that with two lattes, a machine mixed mocha, and a mint tea. I had two coffee dates (hence the abundance of drinks) and a dissertation advising session. When I got home this evening I was worn out from the sheer abundance of conversation.
I wonder if I can distill some of that here in my blog.
My advisor is at times a little reserved, but today he was kind, chatty, and complimentary. He asked me about my future plans and told me that I am intellectually able to do a PhD. I write this here because it meant a lot to me. I'm so frequently beset with doubt that I need to hear these things. But despite such encouragement, I am not at all sure I want to do one. He spoke rather eloquently, and rhetorically I think, about the academic 'itch'. I felt a little bit like asking him if there is a cream for it. The most helpful thing he said followed my litany of the many reasons why everyone tells you not to do a Phd (tenure competition, the bad economy, and the abundance of miserable adjuncts running America's universities). He told me that yes, most doctors of philosophy don't become academics but they don't begin doctoral work in order to become academics. They start doctoral work because they want to write. This is an obvious truth maybe, and it doesn't solve my dilemma, but at least it teaches me to stop citing employment statistics as an excuse for not pursuing doctoral work.
In between my visits and appointments I sat in the darkened English lounge and tried not to fall asleep. A woman in a long skirt kept running in and out of the bathroom and leading people outside. I watched through the window as she coaxed, chided, and coddled a very expressive brown bird perched on the side walk. The bird didn't seem nervous at all. He sat very calmly, head cocked, obviously trying to understand what this doctor of philosophy wanted him to do. Their engagement, bird and woman, lasted well over 2 hours. I wonder if she wishes she had done something practical with her life. Like gone to veterinary school.
