Abilene?

Today I graduate from undergrad and I don't feel the anticipation I expected. For one thing, I still have eight pages left to write and unfortunately seven of them were due last night. For another, the rush to graduate so quickly has filled every minute of the last two semesters with planning and focusing on the goal of finishing. But the main reason is, despite some frustrations with the city and frustrations with certain politicies and mentalities, I honestly wish I had had more time here. I'm not ready to let go of the people and the professors. Of course the reason I didn't is take longer is that I was eager to begin my life with Zach, and long distance was impossible to bear. Comparing the two lives, pre-married and post, I wouldn't do anything to change the strength of our bond, our comfortabiility and partnership together, and the acceptance that our families have finally given to us. But the thing that I have really been lacking in Boston is a group of people with whom I can be myself and talk passionately and comfortably too. My family was immediately embracing, picking us up from the airport, driving us around, and letting us sleep at their place. Last night we saw Julie, Mark and Katrina, Alex, and Stephanie while "studying" in the library. Then I ran over to the English department and saw Jennifer Gross, Dr. Shankle. and Dr. Rankin. And after that we had such a wonderful dinner and starbucks with Dr. Morris. I realized that I haven't talked with ease with people since I've left Abilene. Then we "studied" with Susan, my sister in Abilenian, COC rebellry and English major nerdiness, and saw Scott and Jennifer Gross at Skillets.
I miss being excited about academics and I miss friends so much. Where have "I" been in the past six months? I've been lost in Boston, in work and graduate classes and people I don't know. Will there ever be a place like this again?

I am amazed that 25 family members are coming to see me walk across the stage and receive an empty diploma shell tonight. Considering that only 10 came to my wedding in Seattle (and five of them were under the age of five), I am dumbfounded. What does this mean? It means that to be involved in the Texas bubble and all of the wonderful community support that comes with it, you have to live in Texas.

Today I am existentially moved, deeply grateful, deeply uncertain, and deeply mournful of the loss of this place and these people that have been so loving to me.